Greetings, Good Evening, Good Morning, and Hello!

If you’re reading this, you’re probably one of the poor suckers I’ve lassoed into being a member of my test audience.  You probably already know what’s going on here, and what I’m trying to do.  If I’m horribly unentertaining, I apologize, but please bear with me as I attempt to be somewhat interesting/charming/funny/etc.  Thanks for at least suffering through this with me!

That being said, if you don’t know what’s going on, I’m going to assume you’ve undergone one of two misfortunes: either A.) you’re a friend of a friend that I forced to come here or B.) you are utterly random and are wondering why anyone would listen to someone be self-deprecating for this long.

Well fear not Group B, here’s the 411: I’m a nerd, a writer, and a girl (in that order, most of the time).  I’m trying to combine these three traits into something interesting.  This is my attempt.

I’ve decided to largely dedicate this endeavor to three R’s: rants, raves, and reviews.  For my first post, I figured we would start off on a positive note and I’d undertake the ever-popular Game of the Year topic.  So with all the boring stuff out of the way, I’m going to get right to it, because I’m sure this massive wall of text has already caused a few boredom comas.

2010 was a GREAT year for gaming…but then again, don’t they always say that?  They do, but now that we’re in what I’d consider the Post-Modernism era of gaming, it’s impossible to rank these past few years above or below one another.  I could go on in regard to this, and perhaps I will at a later date.  Anyway, I’ve given my Game of the Year Awards to one game per major system. I do not have a very game-worthy laptop, and lack a desktop completely, so you’ll notice there is no PC award (it would be StarCraft2, regardless).  I chose my GOTY’s based largely on one factor—what stuck with me the most.  I’m always excited when things really make an impact, like when you left the movie theater after having seen Inception and your mind was just RACING.  Games that can do that for me, well…they creep into my heart a little bit.

DS: Pokemon SoulSilver (or HeartGold, if you’re one of those fags. Silver all the way!)

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

The DS was my least played system of the year, but as always, I devoted more hours than I should probably admit traveling through Johto and Kanto raising my team of six Bidoofs…just kidding, but I HAVE always wanted to do that. This GOTY was a no-brainer.  Having improved upon virtually everything since the last generation, and modeling after the best generation in the series before it, HeartGold and SoulSilver rocked the competition. The inclusion of the cute little Pokewalker add-on (which I originally thought was just a Tamagotchi that lacked the little Hershey-kiss shaped piles of shit to clean) ended up being a pretty neat addition (until the battery on mine died and along with it, my poor Snorunt).  Fans of the series, including myself, have said that it’s the best Pokemon to date. That being said, Pokemon HG/SS is more than qualified for DS GOTY (I love acronyms).

PSP: Persona 3 Portable

Accurate representation of one of my dream lives

…Atlus, have my children.  With any luck, they’ll be born as some sort of strange, shadowy demon baby riding a flaming phallic chariot through Hell.  I know that kind of sounds super gay, but no. IT WOULD BE AWESOME.  Regardless of the fact that it is basically a port (with a new female protag so everyone can FINALLY get into Akihiko’s pants, and don’t lie, you know how badly you wanted your male protag to be gay for him) Persona and SMT fans shouldn’t be swayed.  Half of the fun of Persona is all the different paths one can take, so on a scale of replayability, Persona is a te—YUKARI’S PANTIES WILL BE MINE NEXT PLAYTHROUGH, SO TSUNDERE, KAWAII, etc.  Mostly, the appeal to me is having a totally addicting, immersive RPG in my pocket at all times. Much like Pokemon!

Wii: Epic Mickey

This is what sold me.

This one is difficult, because I did not spend very much time with my Wii this year (I purposefully set that up for penis jokes btw, you’re welcome).  I was most anticipating No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle, because of my deep love for the first, but was a little let down.  I can’t on good conscience rank it above Epic Mickey, even though both didn’t live up to what I had expected.  I chose Mickey for a bad reason probably, not that it was better than No More Heroes 2, but because it had fewer things wrong with it.  But, on a positive note, Epic Mickey is charming and badass simultaneously.  The visuals and art style are spectacular despite not being HD (eff you, Nintendo…) and the bottom line, it’s just a great idea.  If you can get over the shoddy in-game camera and some silly gameplay mechanics, it’s a perfect Wii game. If you like Wii games. If you don’t then, shit. Scroll down.

Note: No, I did not play Kirby’s Epic Yarn yet. When I do, it will probably beat out Epic Mickey from what I hear. And yes, Super Mario Galaxy 2 can suck it.

PS3: Heavy Rain

Yeah. This happens. From what I've heard, it's just as difficult as it is in real life, fellas!

Now for the big guns. And I know already this won’t be a popular choice, but I’ve gotta hand it to Quantic Dream, if only for stirring things up and creating controversy.  And as I said from the get-go, I’ve chosen games based on if they’ve stuck with me or not.  Heavy Rain has definitely stuck with me in a big way…mostly through the parodies and jokes and memes spawned from it.  I consider other PS3 games I’ve played this year, and I’ve played a few, but…there’s just something about Pressing X to “Jason!” that gets me going.  Heavy Rain is an experience not intended to appeal to everyone.  It took me back to my days of playing Myst and similarly-minded PC adventure games.  It’s simple, elegant, and easily draws you in.  And even though I laughed at it sometimes, I had a really good time.  And isn’t that what this is all about, being entertained?

Note: I give Heavy Rain the award not having played Resonance of Fate, a JRPG that I’ve been dying to try out.  Things I’ve heard about it would probably cause me to hand the award over.

Xbox 360: Mass Effect 2

AHGEIUGHIWulehgnsdkj!

But, I want to take a few seconds to acknowledge Halo: Reach before I delve into an all-out Mass Effect love fest.  I give Bungie kudos for wrapping-up their series in a winning fashion, and am disappointed they got a bit overshadowed by everything else going on this year (I’m looking at you, Black Ops, you bastard).  I feel like the conclusion of Bungie’s involvement with Halo should have had a bit more fanfare, but I’m sure they’re doing well for themselves regardless (I’m picturing the Bungie higher-ups swimming in gold with Scrooge McDuck at the moment and not giving a shit).  Anyway, Mass Effect 2.  I’m at a loss.  Truly.  I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said.  Mass Effect 2 is the perfect example of building off of the weaknesses of a predecessor to produce a sequel that is not only as good, but galaxies better.  Bioware, I tip my N7 helmet to you.  I’m afraid of gushing too much on this, so we’ll just move on along to…

The Ultimate, Hands-down, Who Cares Which System, OMFG My Eyes GOTY:

For this special award, I thought it would be easier for me to express myself through video

Thanks for reading/watching! Next week, I will nerdagsm in regard to all things Dead Space 2 for a few straight hours. And in retrospect, I'm going to work on the video thing more, I know it's rough for now but....